Geekologie has turned us on to something cool. Something that we feel should have existed a long, long time ago.

That’s right, they’re NES Cartridge Harmonicas. Finally, there’s something classy for when you want to accompany yourself while playing Guitar Hero!

Apparently you can only buy these beauties on eBay and they’re just over twenty bucks, which seems pretty reasonable for such a cool harmonica. But what we’d like to know this: if we took one on stage during some 8 Bit Music Festival, would Pete Seeger get mad and try to plug it in?

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[Educational] Vivitar First Laboratory 900 Power 20 pc. Microscope Set

$7.99

Move in for a closer look. The ultimate education tool, a microscope will provide you or your favorite budding scientist with hours of incredible scientific learning. It’s the perfect tool for discovering and learning about the world we can’t see, stimulating any grown-up or youngster’s curiosity about what lies beneath the surface.

This microscope can be operated by either the light of its adjustable mirror or its illuminating lamp (accepts 2 AA batterie

Condition: New
Retail Boxed
1 Year Warranty
Manufacturer: Vivitar
Model: MIC-1

1 900 power microscope, adjustable lens: 150, 400, 900 – with mirror and lamp

3 collecting vials, 3 plastic slide covers, stirring rod, spatula, scalpel, needle pen, 3 collecting stickers, and 2 circular specimen trays

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Daddy, how was I born?

Well, “born” isn’t quite the right word, Clonathon. You were grown from various strands of DNA in a nutrient tank in a scret laboratory far below the Nevada desert.

You were one of among tens of thousands of other clones being created for an army of super soldiers to be loosed upon the world by the Shadow Government in its plans to bring us all under its control. But there was something special about you. Something so special, in fact, that your mother, who isn’t really your “mother”, but the female scientist that was assigned to you, and I decided to hatch a scheme to steal you away from that place and raise you as our very own child. After carefully sabotaging the Shadow Government’s plan and escaping in a truly heroic fashion involving guard dogs, cyborg ninjas, and many, MANY explosions, we found our way to this quaint Midwestern town where we all live in hiding under assumed names to keep under their radar should they ever want revenge.

But even though we no longer work for those villains, we still consider the experiment to be on-going. That’s why we take time every day to record videos of your progress with our Sayno 720p HD Camcorder. You remember when we had you lift that tractor over your head? Well, it was important for our research that we capture that moment in high definition 1280×720 30fps video and H.264/MPEG-4 AVC format. With several white balance, light measuring, and exposure controls, every video we take of your runs through the laser obstacle course in the basement is perfectly lit and rendered for our needs. And not only that, but it came with a fetching travel case, a 1GB SD Card, and 2 Li-ion batteries, so that we never miss a moment, even when you use your psychic powers to steal toaster pastries from the pantry, you little scamp.

Oh, look at the clock. It’s getting close to your bedtime, young man. You know the rules. Let’s get you in your jammies and practice using your setting things on fire with the power of your mind before sleepy ni-ni time.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty: 90 Day Sanyo

Features:

• Captures high definition 1280×720 30fps video in H.264/MPEG-4 AVC format
• Record directly to SD/SDHC memory cards (1GB SD card included, accepts up to 32GB SDHC)
• Dual Camera allows you to shoot video and still shots at the same time, so you are sure to get the exact shot you want
• Features a 30x Optical zoom, 50x digital zoom
• Shoot 2-megapixel still images (effective pixel rate is 1.1 megapixels)
• Digital Image Stabilizer automatically compensates for distracting up-and-down or side-to-side camera movement, keeping your subject steady and easy to follow
• Face Detection recognizes up to 12 faces for videos and still pictures and optimizes focus and aperture settings to ensure all subjects are in focus
• Face chaser detects the subjects face and adjusts the brightness and focus in a way that produces a clear and bright photo
• Enjoy in-camera editing on the large 3″ TFT LCD screen
• Eight scene modes help you get the perfect shot
• Mini HDMI connects to an HDTV for playback
• Continuous/Sequential Shooting ensures you won’t miss a shot or any “can’t-miss” photos
• Sepia, Standard, Monochrome and Cosmetic digital filters change the look of your pictures easily for an artistic touch
• Built-in stereo speaker, microphone and wind noise reduction feature
• Focus system includes 9-point AF plus spot and continuous area AF
• Battery Life (In use) stills: approx 470 images, video: up to 3 hrs and 20 mins; Playback: approx 9.5 hrs

Additional Photos:

• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R Red 720p HD Camcorder
• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R LCD Extended
• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R LCD Extended and Flipped Around
• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R On/Off, USB/AV Port, HDMI Port, and SDHC Card Slot
• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R Rear Controls
• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R Zoom Control
• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R Microphone and Flash
• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R Box
• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R with Memory Card Inserted
• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R Bottom View

Specifications:

• Image sensor: 1/6-inch CMOS sensor
• White balance: Full-auto TTL, manual setting possible
• Red-eye reduction
• Exposure control type: Programmable AE/Shutter speed priority AE/Aperture priority AE/Manual exposure control
• Light-measuring mode: multi-section measuring, center-weighted measuring, spot measuring
• Digital zoom: 1x to approx. 50x (for shooting), 1x to 25x (for playback, varies with resolution)
• Sensitivity: Up to ISO 1600 in still image shooting, up to ISO 800 in video recording
• Flash modes: auto, forced, off
• Self-timer: approx. 2-second delay, 10-second delay
• Multi-language user interface with talking navigation guide
• Unit Dimensions (H x W x D, approximate): 2.25×2.25×4.0-inches

Image format:

• Still images: JPEG (DCF, DPOF, Exif 2.2 compliant)
• Video: Conforms to ISO-standard MPEG-4 AVC/H.264
• Audio: MPEG-4 audio (AAC compression), 48 kHz sampling rate, 16-bit stereo format

Data Storage:

• Internal memory: 43MB
• SD or SDHC Memory Card (accepts up to 32GB SDHC card)
• Record about 2 hours on an 8GB SDHC memory card

Lens:

• Focal length: f = 2.5 mm to 75.0 mm, optical 30x zoom
• Open: F = 1.8 (wide) to 4.3 (tele)

Range:

• Normal mode: 50 cm (19.69 in.) to infinity
• Super macro mode: 1 cm (0.39 in.) to 1 m (3.28 ft) (wide end only)

Shutter speed:

• Still image shooting mode: 1/2 to 1/500 sec.
• Sequential shots mode: 1/15 to 1/500 sec. (no flash)
• Video recording mode: 1/30 to 1/10,000 sec.

Still image resolution:

• 1600×1200 (2 MP)
• 1184×888 (1.1 MP)
• 1280×720 (0.9 MP)
• 640×480 (0.3 MP)

Video resolution:

• 1280×720 (HD mode – 30 fps/9Mbps)
• 640×480 @ 60 fps, 30 fps

I/O Ports:

• HDMI
• USB/AV
• SD/SDHC card slot
• DC in

System Requirements:

• Windows XP SP2, Vista, 7
• CPU: Core 2 Duo 1.8GHz, Pentium 4 3.6GHz, Athlon X2 3600+
• RAM: 512MB
• Video RAM: 128MB

In the box:

• Sanyo VPC-ZH1R Red 720p HD Camcorder
• 1GB SD Memory Card
• 2 Li-ion batteries
• Mini HDMI Cable
• Soft Case with Strap
• USB Cable
• AC Adapter
• Grip Belt
• AV Interface Cable
• Lens Cap

Buy this item @ Woot! – One Day, One Deal

If you’re the kind of person who goes out for lunch more often than not, keeping the spark going can be a real chore. Sure, that burger place across the street from the office is something you know. It’s comfortable, but maybe it’s too comfortable. You could strike out on your own for something exotic, but you just had Indian on Tuesday. Tacos would be good, but then you’ll be burping all afternoon. Eventually the blur of fast food joints gets to be so overwhelming that you simply trudge off to that old, reliable burger joint like a spouse faithful only because of their inability to attract the opposite sex.

No longer, hungry readers.

We at the Woot offices have implemented our patented LUNCH MADNESS! bracket system. By categorizing the majority of fast food chains into regions according to their state of origin/headquarters, we’ve made lunch fun again! You’ll spend hours you should be working calculating with cold and relentless logic where you’ll be eating today!

For each pairing, just ask yourself, “Where would I rather eat?” Sure, you may say you’re sick of sub sandwiches, but a hoagie doesn’t sound so bad when compared to fried chicken! Or maybe it does. The choice is yours!

We’ve taken the nebulous cloud of multiple options and whittled it down into one winner-take-all tournament for your stomach’s third-highest honor: lunch.

Is it flawed? Sure; being nowhere near California we don’t get to eat a lot of In-N-Out, but we like that the option’s there. Kinda like the BCS.

Print some copies up, pass them around the office, heck you can even scratch out our choices and add your own selections!

So, uh, where we goin’ for lunch?

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Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

NEW YORK (UPI) — Lindsay Lohan has filed a $100 million lawsuit in New York’s Nassau County Supreme Court, claiming an E-Trade commercial features a baby modeled after her.

Experts say this suit puts E-Trade in a clever bind, because if they actually respond by calling Lindsay Lohan a stupid, self-centered know-nothing idiot baby, then their answer can be used against them in court.

BASINGSTOKE, England (UPI) — A British man said his girlfriend accepted the video marriage proposal he arranged to have screened before a showing of “Avatar” at his local movie theater.

In a related story, cam-quality copies of the proposal have been released on every major torrent site, but purists are still waiting for the DVD rip.

LONDON (UPI) — A toy company is marketing a product in Britain that allows canine owners to receive communications from their dogs via social networking site Twitter.

The toy will have 500 pre-loaded messages, including “Bark!” and “Arf!” and “@woot lol so true visit my website okay” and “Hey, is this you? http://tinyurl.com/5u5p1c10u5l1nk”

YORK, England (UPI) — British scientists say they’ve discovered a mechanism that might lead to a new way of converting wood and straw into liquid biofuels.

On this heels of this news, frightened little pigs huddled together in houses of brick, praying for their safety.

WASHINGTON (UPI) — Officials at Washington’s National Zoo said female panda Mei Xiang showed no signs of pregnancy during an ultrasound exam Monday but it may be too soon to tell.

The situation is described as utter pandamonium.

URBANA, Ill. (UPI) — An apple a day may indeed keep the doctor away by reducing inflammation associated with obesity-related diseases, U.S. researchers say.

U.S. marketers say that this new slogan will never catch on.

SPARTANBURG, S.C. (UPI) — U.S. scientists say they’ve discovered crickets are able to warn their unborn babies about predator threats.

The newly released findings have Hollywood considering an entry into the potentially lucrative sci-fi/action cricket market.

Buy this item @ Woot! – One Day, One Deal

Google’s old motto: Don’t be evil. The new one: Don’t speak English.

If you thought the main problem with our “Real Actual Field Test” videos was that they made too much sense, you’re in luck. Now you can watch them with the sound off, reading along with subtitles provided by “Transcribe Audio,” a feature in beta testing that uses Google’s speech recognition technologies to automatically caption YouTube videos. The results? Pure Dada.

YouTube, we want to ask, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF OUR NARRATOR’S MOUTH? The answer: Enh, some of them…

We’d estimate Google’s software correctly interprets somewhere between a third and half of the words in our video voiceovers. From a programming standpoint, that’s pretty impressive! From a comprehensibility standpoint, it’s total gibberish.

Watch our most recent Real Actual Field Test (number five), and see if you can follow along with the transcript pasted below.

My personal favorite part of this transcript comes during the scene where our Air Hogs Switchblade fails to launch correctly and whacks our cameraman Kevin. To my ear, it sounds like he says “Argh! Ow, man!” But Google hears it as “I health plan.” Oddly appropriate.

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

welcome to real action in field tests which relax a little incident

today we’re testing the spin master bear hugs switch weight remote aircraft are flying sort of that around and look in vain I was on it

what’s distinctive about this contraption is the way you can configure it flight either like a plane what would the twist suggesting like so of for the gate US troops died

here’s a look at it for nineteen US own mother

what happened

pretty cool it’s been this the numbers like so

an extension in the years the more conventional airplane note as you can see defies more or less street and I do to treat

how does this happen there’s like one tree in our old Texas sized parking lot and you fly straight

anyway it’s kind of hard to capture this home video but you can actually transform the thing from one vote to the other in midair we need to do a vertical takeoff from the launch pad US automotive and then shifted airplane noted and out come on he has to be done on purpose

here’s what it looks like we need more it from you have those we noted be made flight as you can the DC- it’s whirling around there

that’s fine your plan

in fairly shows upcoming this was a good flight down not that you can tell from my the footage

you can see you see it

the little things

the sky

not really

well it’s up there take my word for it I guess

ladies and gentlemen reached our scouts later on may six that’s because the nazis past that’s really all time in again yes

we also get it right indoors just doesn’t crazy it going to work toward really because it doesn’t do all that well you know very much wind but you have to have high ceilings so we recommend %uh how much he’ll win house or maybe a gothic style

also supposedly or as we say on the internet supposedly this which played the flyers best they can for just a couple of forty five degrees fahrenheit so when we got a nicer day we do that for a second afternoon of testing in the interest of science and also to get out of the meeting we have that changes to the capital plan laurin

I don’t know if the second day of tests like to really yielded all that much more information get captured some pretty good idea with this failed launch the air travelers

I

health plan

like I said we didn’t notice a huge difference in the handling from one day to the next summit the air temperature difference just wasn’t extreme enough but we did

oh for crying out loud

you guys are I mean the big do you not see them johnnie green things sticking around it’s not like the sport and for me

yes sir I don’t understand half we we have all this space right everybody at work with his charlie brown could cut all of a sudden

ridiculous

all right all in all we had a pretty good time playing with us which way at least one word can you not the truth and finally when we don’t have to admit at least it back into the wild

we know it was the right thing to do but you know that doesn’t mean we didn’t get choked up as did you want to listen he say about that in the country

so you’re seventy five this information helpful and we’ll see you next time for now the one who’s real actual field tests

END TRANSCRIPT

Thanks, Google! A huge improvement on the original!

So how about you? Happened across any amusingly shoddy automatic captions we should see?

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[Hard Driven] Toshiba 40GB My Portable Peripherals 1.8-Inch Hi-Speed External USB Hard Drive

$24.99

Y2K came and passed, leaving us all intact and in one piece. But what if Y3K doesn’t prove to be as friendly? Protect yourself and your data with the Toshiba 1.8 inch Hard Disk Drive. Its 40 GB External Memory offers you a durable, reliable and affordable solution to any and all computer breakdowns.

This portable peripheral can be taken with you for use on the road and can also be used to transfer your data from one computer to the other. Stop lugging around

Condition: New
Manufacturer: Toshiba
Model: HT-18A
Warranty: 1 Year Warranty

Buy this item @ 1saleaday.com

I’m Never Going Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

At last, I can watch my favorite commercials without sitting through all those annoying shows.

Concise storytelling. Striking visuals. Hapless, overfed man-children in comical situations. These are the things I love about television – or rather, used to love about television, before it turned into a cheapo cesspool of “reality” freakshows. Nowadays, the real artistry comes in thirty-second chunks. Turns out that soda companies, breweries, car-insurance firms, and fast-food chains are the only entities left with enough money to make anything worth watching.

And I’ll be watching, believe me, with this TiVo Series 3 HD THX Certified DVR. How satisfying it is to fast-forward past Bret Michaels and Simon Cowell to get to the latest humorous vignette about that scamp Jack in the Box. This TiVo’s 250GB hard drive can store approximately a hella-ton of commercials for savoring over and over. I’ve practically worn out the pause button examining the mise-en-scene of that Dr. Pepper commercial with the midget KISS impersonators. Eat your heart out, Fellini.

Even better, this TiVo Series 3 HD DVR doubles as a YouTube player (with a home network with Internet access). Have you ever seen how many commercials are on that site? I could literally watch them until the sun expands and engulfs the Earth in flames, without ever repeating one. It also streams Netflix, Blockbuster, and Amazon video, but until they offer more commercials, I’m not interested.

First, though, I had to have 2 CableCARDs installed so my TiVo Series 3 DVR could handle digital and HD cable. You’ll want to check with your cable provider first, because many of them require that the cards be installed by their technicians. If you’re lucky, while you’re on hold, you’ll get to listen to commercials for the cable company. I love radio commercials even more than TV commercials because they have to be twice as aggravating to make up for the lack of video.

I really only have one complaint: TiVo, can you exert your influence to require broadcasters to devote more time to commercials? Even on the most ad-heavy cable channels (I love you, TV Land), there’s still 40 or more minutes of programming every hour. This shocking imbalance means important voices are not being heard. Somewhere out there, some scrappy young filmmaker is coming up with the next “smunchy” or “wazzzup”, and I want to see it. Over and over and over.

Authorized for SquareTrade Extended Warranty

Warranty:

• 90 Day TiVo Labor
• 1 Year TiVo Parts

Features:

• Control Live TV - Record, Play, Pause, Rewind, Skip Ahead, & Slow-Motion with razor-sharp HD clarity
• Season Pass Recordings – Record every new episode of your favorite show
• BLOCKBUSTER On Demand – Browse and rent the movies you want to see from the comfort and convenience of home
• Amazon Video on Demand – Download movies and TV shows directly to your TiVo box
• Netflix – Stream a library of 17,000 movie titles and TV shows through Netflix’s Watch Instantly Service (with a Netflix unlimited membership)
• YouTube Videos – Watch millions of YouTube videos directly on your TV
• Rhapsody – Access 4 million songs in your living room with a subscription to the Rhapsody service
• Online Scheduling and TiVo Mobile – Schedule last minute recordings from a PC or a cell phone
• Home Media Features – Access internet radio, podcasts, movie times & tickets, and digital photos & mp3 music files on your TV
• TiVo Search (an exclusive TiVo feature) – Use this powerful internet based tool for search and discovery of broadcast and broadband programming content
• Multi-Room Viewing – Start watching your favorite show in the living room and finish it in the bedroom
• TiVoToGo – Fill your iPod mobile digital device or other portable media device with movies and TV shows for free!
• Internet Video Downloads – News, sports, weather, technology, music, education, and more sent directly to your broadband-connected TiVo DVR–free of charge
• 250GB of disc capacity for 300 hours of standard recording time or up to 32 in HD
• Expandable Storage – Increase storage capacity with TiVo Verified external eSATA storage available from Western Digital
• Dimensions: 12.6″ (D) X 3.3″ (H) X 16.5″ (W)
• Weight: 13 lbs.

Specifications:

• Surround Modes: THX
• Compatible Formats: 720p, 480p, 480i, 1080i
• Remote Control: Illuminated Full Function IR 36 Button
• Tuner: (2) CableCard, ATSC

Inputs and Outputs:

• 2 CableCard Card Slots
• 1 Rear HDMI Output
• 1 Rear Optical Output
• 2 Rear RF Inputs
• 1 Rear RJ45 Ethernet In/Out
• 1 Rear SATA IN/Out
• 1 Rear RJ11 (Telephone Line) In/Out
• 1 Rear Analog Audio/Video Output
• 1 Rear Component Video Outpuut
• 1 Rear S-Video Output
• 2 Rear USB Port In/Out

Additional Photos:

• TiVo Series 3 HD THX Certified DVR
• TiVo Series 3 HD THX Certified DVR Front Controls
• TiVo Series 3 HD THX Certified DVR Rear Ports
• TiVo Series 3 HD THX Certified DVR Remote Control
• TiVo Series 3 HD THX Certified DVR Box

In the box:

• TiVo Series 3 HD THX Certified 250GB DVR
• Remote Control
• Users Guide
• Composite Cable
• Component Cable
• HDMI Cable
• Phone Cable
• Phone Splitter
• Coax Cable
• Power Cable
• 4 AAA Batteries

TiVo® service is required for the TiVo DVR to function and is sold separately. TiVo service and payment are subject to the terms and conditions available at www.tivo.com.

TiVo service is accessed through a standard telephone line or broadband connection. In some areas, local and long-distance toll charges may apply.

Considerations:

• Certain features require a wired or wireless home network with Internet access (wireless home network connection requires the purchase of a separate TiVo Wireless Adapter)
• A TiVo Series3 DVR requires CableCARD™s (provided by cable operator) to work with Digital and HD Cable
• To receive two digital cable channels at the same time and record up to two channels simultaneously, the TiVo HD DVR requires the installation and activation of either two (2) Multi-Stream CableCARDs (M-Card) or two (2) Single-Stream CableCARDs (S-Card)
• Many cable companies require the CableCARDs to be installed by their technicians
• Supports virtually all cable operators, Verizon FiOS, and ATSC antenna
• Does not support satellite service, AT&T U-verse, or cable Video On Demand

Buy this item @ Woot! – One Day, One Deal

• Cinnamon and marinara sauce
• French fries and chocolate milkshakes
• Hamburgers and velvet
• Sun-dried tomatoes and the tears of orphans
• Bread pudding and the music of Joanna Newsom
• Zima and that clown from your birthday party
• Lamb shanks and my father’s disappointment
• Melted gouda and Han Solo action figures (original or Hoth)
• The oral history of the Underground Railroad and the color teal
• Those old aluminum swimming pools and socialism
• LASIK surgery and your first crush
• Sandy Nelson’s “Live! In Las Vegas” and a single grain of sand
• International test cricket and sneezing
• A savage wildcat and the aroma of melted butter
• Ambergris and the complete works of Jean-Baptiste-Siméon Chardin
• B flat above High C and “Punchy” from Hawaiian Punch
• Jai-alai and 1-1/4″ galvanized roofing nails
• Deal-a-day web commerce and a recording of Carol Burnett saying the word “moist”
• Mango and chili peppers

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The below video is a tad NSFW due to language and slightly adult content, but if you haven’t seen this year’s Oscar-winning animated short Logorama yet, give this a click. Watch as a Los Angeles made up entirely of corporate logos and mascots EXPLODES before your very eyes. You know, when you get home and maybe after you’ve put the kids to bed.

We here at Woot feel only slightly snubbed by the exclusion of our iconic Exclamation Point, but we’ll let it slide. Hopefully, their people can do lunch with our people and get us a spot in the sequel. Don’t forget to show the directors a little monetary love by buying it on iTunes.

As seen on Filmdrunk.

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